Father’s Day is a difficult day for me. It isn’t because my father is dead, if that’s what you’re thinking. Instead I have a dad that has stolen from and lied to me throughout my entire life. The pain that I feel over this man has scarred me, and left me with a hole in my heart.
As a small child I always looked up to my father. He was a fireman, a real hero to me. He took me fishing and hunting, and was my very best friend. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a faithful man, and found happiness in the bedding of other women, some even my mother’s closest friends.
To say that this caused problems would be an understatement. I was nine and more than once caught him with his pants literally down around his ankles. I was tormented by the facade of my parents fake happy marriage. I couldn’t understand the right from wrong, but refused to let go of hope that things could get better.
The bought a large parcel of property, far away from the city and began building their fresh start dream home. A home where new memories could be made. During the construction we were forced to live with my aunt. She had plenty of room, and she was my Godmother. She helped my parents stay afloat while they threw all of their money into this dream home.
When I was ten my mother finally took us and left, something that was impossibly hard for her to do with two small children. My father has gotten my mother’s friend pregnant, and my mom found notes between the two of them regarding a miscarriage.
I think this was the final straw in the marriage coffin.
My mother had nowhere to go, and found refuge with my fathers best friend (my Godfather). We lived in his garage apartment for about a year during my parents messy divorce, where my father claimed to be fighting for us, and turned the affairs all on my mother. He stated she had been involved with my Godfather for a long time.
Funny thing is, I knew the truth.
My mother won custody as my father went through two new girlfriends, just eight years different than myself, both of which ended up getting pregnant. So to make a long story short…..The first woman to be pregnant had a boy, but in the meantime, my mother’s ex best friend also got pregnant. She in turn won my father’s heart and they started planning a wedding, leaving the other woman with a small child and heartbreak.
As his life started to look up for him, he made a very poor decision. While still trying to finish his log cabin (the dream home of my parents) he told someone how to burn down their house for money. Now being a fireman, well it didn’g turn out very good. Somehow the conversation was recorded, and he was charged official with a crime. The states key witness was the other woman.
Now I just need to back up here for a second and let everyone know that the child the other woman had, was kept a secret to everyone in my family. We never knew we had a brother until he was two years old, and the woman came to my mother’s doorstep. Pretty shitty way to find out something so important.
So back to the story…My father was facing serious charges and the key witness was my brothers mom. Upon leaving her job one night she was approached by a stranger, threatened and stabbed. It was not actually my father with the knife, but the warning was regarding her testifying. She got put into witness protection until the trial.
During this time my mother had actually remarried and was pregnant herself, with my Godfather’s children.
Yes…there is more.
Somehow the trial came to an end and my father walked away with the loss of his job and his pension.
He deserved that.
In the meantime, my baby brother and his mother fled the state. We couldn’t find them and it broke our hearts.
For the next few years my father started up a business building custom homes. He married my mother’s ex BFF, and they had a little baby girl. Being surrounded by all these new siblings was a joy, even being a teenager. I hated the part where I had to help take care of them, but it gave me a lot experience when it came to my own children later on.
I had to see my father on weekends, but the older I got the more I wanted to be home near my friends. Besides ever since my twelfth birthday, I got a card with an IOU in it. Literally it said that, while my sisters got jewelry and even a car. WTH!
I started dating my husband my senior year of high school. I swear I knew from the first kiss that he was my future. I loved him from that very first moment, but I had no idea how to trust someone. I wasn’t even really sure what love was. I wanted this bubble to surround us and keep us always together. I felt like if he went into another room and saw someone standing there, he would immediately want them.
It was hard to learn to trust. We fought so much the first two years, but our love was strong and we hated to be apart. We decided to marry that third year and I was excited to start my future with such a wonderful man.
During our courtship, I hadn’t really had a relationship with my father. I was a teenager and started to see his lies head on. I wasn’t the naive little girl he once tried to brainwash with explanations. A week before my wedding he came to me with a check. It was made out to me and he claimed some error had occurred and it was really his money, but he would give me five hundred dollars out of it for my wedding present. Of course five hundred bucks is a big chunk of change, so I signed the check and got on with my own arrangements.
A month later my mother asked me if I ever got the back child support check that the state had mailed me…
So more time went by and we didn’t speak. I did continue to receive my annual IOU card.
Finally, I gave birth to my first child, a boy. My father came to the hospital and saw his grandson, and for a moment I saw love in his eyes. Love that I had wanted from him from so long. We allowed ourselves to be sucked in to his manipulation again. We kept a constant relationship even though he lived pretty far away. We saw him every few months.
He had married his third wife, who by the way is the worst human being to walk the earth. She is like Ursula from the little mermaid.
Okay pretty stupid comparison…moving on.
My daughter was born in 2002. We were living in the suburbs near Baltimore and wanted a better life for our children. My father claimed to build us a house (with our money) if we moved to the country near him. We thought it was a great opportunity and jumped in head first. Everyone got along well during the construction. Toward the end though things got complicated. Money was unaccounted for. He had asked for us to released him an extra ten grand, in turn he bought a cabinet company with and never returned the money to our draw. Finally we reached the finishing stages of the house and had to use our own money to finish it, because the draw money was gone.
Son of a bitch had used our money for his other projects.
I worked in banking and accounting. I knew how things worked, but kept my mouth shut, and enjoyed my new home and surroundings. When my bank got bought out, he kindly offered for me to be the office manager to his company. Stupid move old man! The first thing I did was make a copy of everything and stored it away safely. Soon my file disappeared, but I had my evidence. Just as I suspected, things didn’t add up. I audited the entire years projects. They were spending money meant for each project other places.
Things got bad in the office, oh and my husband was also working for them. We decided to get ut of dodge and sell the house we had built when people were approaching us in our small town saying they were going to physically hurt us if my father didn’t pay them for work they did on our house.
We moved across town, in a house that was already built. My dads business started falling apart, because he was being sued by so many companies he hadn’t payed. In the meantime they were traveling to exotic places all over the world and buying fancy things, including adding a two thousand square ft edition to his own house with a waterfall in it…
So one day he called to tell us there was no longer work. We waited two weeks….
With a new mortgage and two children we needed to make money fast.
I found a job and began working then thankfully the hubby got picked up by someone that my father had done business with. So the hubby comes home after his first week and shows me a paper stating a report done on stolen materials. The trim my father used to trim our house was stolen from this other guys construction site.
He blamed my husband and I for the loss of his company, even though neither of us had any control over the finances. I wrote only checks that I was approved to write. I even worked more hours than I accounted for and never asked for extra pay.
Now my hubs new bosses knew who stole the trim, and they didn’t blame him at all. In fact he still works for them to this day.
I haven’t spoken to my father in five years, and what I said on here is not even half of the shitty things he has done to me and my family. After the house drama we were out tens of thousands, which he claims was not true. Duh…I am smarter than you think dad.
He refuses to recognize my children and doesn’t even send them cards.
They are broken up about it, but understand the pain it causes me.
I literally cry when I see people with their dads hugging them, smiling with them.
Any relationship that could ever be would be based on lies and tension. I can’t trust him, noone can trust him. He has lied his way through life and damaged everything he touches. His actions have destroyed me, and caused me years of therapy.
So Father’s Day?
I will celebrate it with my husband, who is the best father and husband he can be.
If you are a father…love your children unconditionally. Show them you care. Spend time with them. Sacrifice for them.
Don’t do what my father did to me.